So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
