So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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