My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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