Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
