Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
