No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
