I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
