bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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