Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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