Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
