so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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