i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
