Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
