just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
