I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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