Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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