I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet he comes in French.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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