soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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