I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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