My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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