dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it penis luge time yet?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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