i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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