I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The maid of honor just puked.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We got so high we made milksteak
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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