No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
