we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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