Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize