Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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