I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
