Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
