It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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