My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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