I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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