Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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