What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We need to get me chipped asap
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