so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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