So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
