Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
