I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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