Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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