We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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