I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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