I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
