remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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