just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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