you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
