yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
