this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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