dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
