I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize