Already got asked if we're dating
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
