In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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