return my video game
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
