I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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