why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize