i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
