This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
