Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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