Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
