I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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