I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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