Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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