I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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