Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
