We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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