you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
