I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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