I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
