his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
