Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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