Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
