Yo dont text me then not text me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
