I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
