Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
