It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
